So with doctor’s blessing, my stash of medicines, and a list of instructions pinned to my belly, I’m hopefully heading off to the Created 4 Care conference tomorrow. I’m taking a belly-sitter who is willing to put up with my snoring and bring me home early if need be. And I’m really excited to get to hear some good speakers and to hug the necks of so many friends I’ve made in the online world who have cheered us on in our adoption journey.
If you’re coming this weekend, make sure you drop me a note in the comments so I can look for you!
I’ll be hard to miss. I’ll be the head of hair attached to a big baby bump. Holla!
Since the day we met her, Mira has always preferred hot milk. In Uganda, they give children boiled milk. When we came home, we figured out how to use the milk steamer on our espresso machine to create the perfect cup of 98.6 degree milk for Mira.
The machine broke for a few months recently and we didn’t give it too much thought (beyond our own caffeinated sufferings) because Mira really hadn’t made a big deal out of the milk before.
But when Andrew fired up the machine to fix it, Mira came running from the other corner of the house and danced around his legs. “MILNK! MILNK!!! YAY!!!!!!!”
She clapped her hands in delight and pointed at the machine.
Lesson learned: Keep the espresso machine in proper working order at all times.
Now, there is no faster way to melt her daddy’s heart than to tug on his pants leg and ask, “Milnk? Pwees?”
It gets him every time.
Because Mira finds the milk so soothing, Andrew and I fight over who gets the “milk cuddles” that inevitably follow handing her a cup of warm milk. This afternoon, Andrew very generously shared with me while I was resting in my bed. Have you ever seen such contentment on a face?
I love the way she crosses her feet and gets very heavy-lidded. It’s so sweetly baby-like, even though she’s Almost Two. Milk Cuddles are the best.
After I took these pictures, I looked at the blurry shots on my iphone and sighed.
I’ve no doubt this blog would be a prettier place if I ever used a real camera, if I paid attention to the lighting, or even if I bought one of the signature pieces of a “real” blogger, a DSLR camera. The pictures on my posts are usually blurry, un-printable, and the thumbnails aren’t anything worth pinning or sharing on facebook.
But how many moments would I miss if I waited until the lighting was right and the camera worked? This life we’re living, it’s moving at a blur. I know I wouldn’t remember half of these stories if I didn’t write them down. (Lucky for you, my words may be incoherent, but WordPress makes the print easy to read.)
These grainy, poorly lit pictures are Vitafamiliae, the life of our family, in all it’s unfocused glory. This is the Real Thing, imperfect and untouched. The part I want to remember.
And so I’ll keep cuddling my people, out of reach of a proper flash or a decent lens and revel in the grit, the un-photoshopped version of our lives.
This Saturday, some friends hosted a baby shower for Finn. And since I’m currently hosting Finn, I went, too. The day was full of ladies I love, yummy brunch, and sweet baby things. (There was also a bowl of York Peppermint Patties next to my chair. My people know me well.)
A friend took a hint from my Pinterest account and made some “manly” onesies for Finn.
These sort of outfits on babies make me giggle. And this particular onesie amused me even more:
Finn’s little corner of the world is starting to look ready for his arrival.
His going-home outfit is laid out until I decide I’m ready to pack for the hospital. (I habitually procrastinate about the hospital bag.) Please note the goofy elephant hat waiting for his little head. It would seem I think babies are simply for me to dress up as ridiculous as possible.
And, finally, the gift from Saturday that made me cry. I love every detail. Especially my red heels.
It’s these little things, the details stitched into every treasure, every moment of the weekend, that I’m grateful for. This weekend, God really was in the details.
He tucked little love notes into each kind gesture and thoughtful deed of my friends. He sent peace in the quiet of a waiting nursery. And He sent laughter in the form of moustaches.
I have some words of wisdom to offer you. These are gleaned from the (at last count) 41 weeks I’ve spent on bed rest in my life and not any particular event that occurred recently.
Well, except the last bit of advice. That happened today. And it made me happy…
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A WOMAN ON BED REST:
1 – Enjoy this rest now. In a little bit you’ll be chasing babies and you’ll wish you were on bed rest again.
People that say this have never been on bed rest. No matter how spoiled a woman is while resting, she never wishes to return to the days when she must swallow her pride and let other people do the things she feels are her responsibility. She’d rather be up, exhausted, and enjoying the healthy children that are the end result of bed rest.
Bed rest is not vacation. A vacation is a week on the beach with my husband. Bed rest is months in my room feeling lonely because my husband has so much to do to make up for my inactivity.
Feel free to picture me with my feet up sipping a fruity drink. But know that, in reality, I am huddled on my bed under laundry that hasn’t been put away and drinking 2 gallons of water a day.
2 – I don’t know how you do it. I know I could never lay still for that long.
Um, yes, you could.
Mommies will do anything for that baby they are growing. It’s a weird, protective instinct. I would stand on my head and sing Yankee Doodle if my doctor said it would save my baby. Fortunately, my doctor only wants me to lay down.
Instead, what you have just implied to my hormone-addled brain is that I’m lazier than you are. And therefore I can sit still and you can’t. I know it’s not what you mean, but that’s what bed-resting mamas hear.
A better way to phrase it would be, “You’re doing a great job taking care of your baby. Way to hang in there, honey. How about I clean your funky toilet and then promise to still look you in the eye like I never saw it?”
And, finally…
WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY TO A WOMAN ON BED REST:
I saw these in the store and I knew they were meant for you.
Because we want to have lots of time to adjust to Finn once he arrives, we made the choice that I would expend my few hours of energy and lung capacity during bed rest on school.
I had lovely visions of snuggling with my kids under the covers of our big master bed and reading and writing peacefully together.
Silly me.
Have you ever seen young boys on a big soft bed? They turn into puppies. Wiggly, writhing puppies.
With all the medicine I’m on, I’ve needed my bed to be my “safe place” where I can rest my belly and my nerves. Allowing the masses into my “cone of safety” wasn’t going to work. So I moved my visions of snuggling to the couch in the living room.
With this method, we’ve managed to tuck another unit of Tapestry of Grace under our belt. And I was pleasantly surprised to discover that, by God’s grace, the boys absorbed all of the material we set out to learn.
We didn’t get to do a fun unit party this time around, but I made the boys a video of their writing project for the unit and promised I’d share it on this mysterious thing I call a blog.
Their assignment was to pick two books and write “ads” to try and convince others to read their books. Ian’s summary of Shakespeare in his rough draft was impressive, I thought. Very succinct. He (obviously) didn’t learn that from me.
Stick with the video to the end to hear his even shorter (but accurate) description of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
I have a dream that one day… right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
In my pride, I haven’t really wanted to describe Real Life around our house. Not because it’s bad, but because I don’t like admitting how weak I am. Yet I do want to honor how strong and resilient these people I live with have been.
First, an explanation: if you asked my doctor about my status, I don’t know if he would define it as “bed rest.” I think he would say, “I drugged the snot out of her and whatever she managed to do in spite of that was fine.” I take round-the-clock medication at pretty high doses to keep contractions under control.
For comparison, if you can remember that far back, I’m taking twice the amount of medicine I took with Willa, and I WAS on bed rest with her.
This time, I have had the blessing of being “allowed” to do more things, but not really being “able.” My medicine pumps my heart extra hard, so I’m exhausted after a shower. I can’t focus on details and my lungs work extra hard to get oxygen. What this means is that out of a six hour dose, I have about one good hour to function.
That’s two hours a day.
The truth is, I often push through and get an extra hour of function, but the result is that I head immediately to bed either exhausted or contracting and have to wait until after the next dose of medicine to start all over again. Our lives are a series of “Mommy is up, Mommy is down, Oh, wait, she’s up again, No, strike that, she’s in her bed again.”
We have been so blessed with offers of help. And we’ve been fortunate that if I plan carefully and conserve my energy, I’ve been able to participate in church, evenings out, and even a trip or two. Our whole family has been able to stay together this time around (while I gestated Willa, our kids went to Grampaw’s house for Monday through Friday, two hours away). And we’ve even carried on with our schooling (not because I delight in suffering, but because we all want to enjoy the babymoon when Finn is born).
So here’s what a normal day looks like: Andrew gets the kids up and does breakfast with them. Assuming I’m feeling fine, I work my way through the showering process. Andrew starts working (yay for work at home daddies!) and once I’ve rested a bit from my shower, I get the two little girls dressed.
Then we start school. I can’t do the Tapestry reading aloud any more, so Sam and Ian take turns reading pages while I facilitate discussion. Sometimes, that’s all we make it through. Other times, we manage to keep going and I do spelling, grammar, math and phonics. If we make it through all of that, I’m usually in tears and begging to go back to bed.
Andrew takes over again (or the TV does) and then he does the lunch routine. I spend a good part of the afternoon in bed napping and resting my belly muscles. This allows me to get up for a few hours during the “witching hours,” although this isn’t always guaranteed. I try to at least think of a plan for dinner, but I’ve probably cooked less than 5 times. And I’m not always good at making decisions while medicated.
Andrew is very patient.
And I’m really glad we had a well-stocked freezer when this started.
On a very good night, I can sit and do dinner with the family, but I can’t fit comfortably at our table any more (we have benches), so we settle for me being nearby on a couch. Andrew handles all the food distribution and usually all of the clean-up. Sometimes, I have a better night and I can piddle around the kitchen.
By 7 pm, I’m D.O.N.E. and I head to my bed. Andrew gets the kids ready for bed and puts them all to sleep. Then he spends the rest of the evening catching up on work, doing chores, or checking things off his long list of projects. He has never been busier. Because I’m not very good about taking my medicine in the middle of the night, it is also his job to set the alarm and wake me up for my next dose.
Responsible Adult looks very sexy on this man.
The children have been so resilient. The boys have learned to make lunch, Ellen can swap loads of laundry, and they all help Andrew get the daily chores done. The older children understand much more of what is going on and have touched me with their compassion. They can all refill my water bottle and they like to “check on me” when I’m in my bed.
The kids come visit me in my room. Mira has even learned to crawl on top of my bed to say hi. They poke my belly and we talk about Finn. They ask me every morning how he is. They carry messages and bend over to look under couches for me. They pick things up that I drop and don’t complain when my answer to a request is “Ummm, I don’t know. Go ask Daddy.”
It has not been easy. I do not like being weak. I don’t like being incapable of thinking through a simple issue like “what’s for dinner” or “did I take my pills or not?” I don’t like leaving my husband to do all the work or letting my kids see me in pain.
Yet there is so much Beauty in this Chaos. So much love behind the service. Not just love for me, but love for Finn. We’re all working together for this little pot-roast-sized boy.
I’m weak. Others are strong.
And I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg. The thought of seven kids is daunting. I feel totally incapable. But this isn’t the first time. When I am at my weakest, when I am face down, completely at a loss, God Is Big.
He is faithful. He flexes strong and I get to point to Him as the One who saves me from poop, crumbs, tears, frustration, overwhelming noise, and my own sin nature. (And that’s just in the first hours of the morning…)
So I lay in my bed, sip my water and marvel at baby kicks and the kindness of others. I try not to chafe at my weakness but to let those who are strong be stronger. And He who is Strongest will be my strength…
*Belly picture is two months old and not an accurate representation of my current size.
** Homeschool affiliate links included.
*** Please don’t misunderstand this post as complaining. We are So. Blessed. So grateful. I just really wanted to brag on my people and my Heavenly Father.
After Christmas, I got several emails and facebook messages from friends who received an iPad as a gift and wanted to know some good apps to load. I decided I’d share my answers with all of you, just in case you’re on the hunt for some new apps. I am not suggesting that all of these are worth every penny, but these are the ones that get the most use in our home. Enjoy!
Education:
This was the link I started with when we bought our iPad. Pick a category or subject from the top of the page and start browsing!
Art Authority – Warning: My kids are not allowed to open this app. It’s fantastic for teaching art history, but those crazy Renaissance artists require a lot of censoring!
Cookie Doodle – This is a favorite of my littles, but all my children will play it.
Drums! – Also, no link, but if you search for it with the exclamation point, you’ll find it on iTunes. We have lots of drummer wanna-bes in our house and this is a quiet way to handle them.
Traffic Rush – This game makes my blood pressure soar but the kids enjoy crashing the cars into each other.
Oregon Trail – Fun for all. I use it as a ploy to make my little brothers like me. I’m pretty cool when I show up with a fully charged phone and let them play Oregon Trail. Further proof I am not above bribery for affection…
Ragdoll Blaster – Another one that I find infuriating. However, Andrew assures me there’s physics and logic involved (both of which I have never excelled at) so I pretend it’s educational for the kids.
Flight Control – My older kids like to play this. We have grown-up friends who like it, too, and play it when they come over.
Friendsheep – We have the free version of this. It makes me laugh. Sheep are always funny, right?
Toontastic – Kids can make cartoon videos. This is an app that I don’t think is that exciting but they find it hilarious.
Pictureka – This is actually pretty tricky. Andrew and I have played and we get frustrated with it. But the kids have beat the whole thing. They’ve got mad skillz.
For Big Kids and Grown-Ups:
Ticket to Ride – Andrew and I have played the board game version of this for years and I can’t recommend it enough. We LOVE having it on the iPad because now we don’t have the pieces to fool with and we can play with two players. They also allow you to play each other wirelessly, so we can each have an iPad. But it’s more fun to cuddle and just pass the iPad back and forth in a shared game.
Settlers of Catan – This is an app that saves us the hassle of playing with the board game and all the pieces. We can also play bots so we don’t need more people. I don’t think it’s as intuitive to play on the iPad if you’ve never played it before, but I’ve never LOVED this game as much as others.
Medici – A bidding type game that we pass back and forth between us to play. I would never play this on a board because of all the pieces, but I will play the app. We enjoy it. We’ve played it a few times in the ER this pregnancy. Andrew always wins. I can’t imagine why…
So, after six years of blogging, we’ve decided this little experiment will stick and the blog should earn its keep. We’re opening up a piece of our sidebar for sponsors!
So if you’re a Vitafam fan and have a shop or blog you’d like to plug, click on the Sponsor tab up there to the left for rates and options.
I get lots of emails and comments letting me know that you take our “Vitafam Tested” recommendations seriously and we honor that confidence. I want you to know we’ll be protective of our space here as always and choose our sponsors carefully. Thank you for loving and supporting us!
**End Sales Pitch**
Speaking of space rental, I got a glimpse of my Current Tenant today. I find this blur adorable. Even if he is rough on my furnishings and never pays his rent on time.
This is our memoir for our kids. We picture them at 30 and try to write the stories and thoughts they might want to know. We write the Now Stories for their Future Selves. And we humbly share them with you.
